Meaning: The Stories We Tell Ourselves

The Power of Meaning

Every day, life throws things at us. Some of it is good, some of it bad, and some of it falls into that gray area where it’s hard to tell what it really means. And most of the time, it’s not even the events themselves that shape our lives, but the meaning we attach to them.

Imagine life as a book, where you’re not just the author but also the reader, flipping through the pages as they’re written. The events that happen to you are the plot points, the raw material that fills each chapter. But the real story comes from the meaning you create from those events. It’s how you decide to interpret and narrate each chapter, how you connect one moment to the next, and what you choose to take from them. The narrative you build isn’t just about what happens, it’s about the meaning you give to it all.

Let’s say you face a setback, maybe it’s losing a job, or a relationship ending. For one person, this could be the start of a downward spiral. The story they tell themselves might be that they’re not good enough, that this is just another example of how life is against them. But someone else, facing the same situation, might see it as an opportunity, a chance to start fresh, to pursue something new that they’ve always wanted to do but never had the courage to try. Same event, two completely different stories.

The meaning you attach to your experiences shapes how you see and live your life. It can either close you off, trapping you in a story of defeat, or it can expand your view, revealing possibilities you hadn’t seen before. It’s like choosing between a narrow lens that keeps you stuck or a wide-angle that lets you see the bigger picture and all the opportunities that come with it.

The meaning we assign to our experiences is one of the most powerful forces shaping our lives. This meaning doesn’t just come out of nowhere; it’s formed by the beliefs, some we’ve held since childhood, shaped by our past experiences and the stories our parents told us, both directly and indirectly. When something happens, we interpret it based on these belief filters, and they influence the subconscious questions we ask when life gets tough. Two people can face the same challenge: one sees a crushing setback, while the other sees a chance to grow. Why? It’s the questions they ask themselves, "Why is this happening to me?" versus "What can I learn from this?" The answers to these questions, often rooted in those early beliefs, steer us through life’s challenges, defining our reality.

The Power of Meaning in Your Brain

At a neurological level, the stories we tell ourselves are more than just thought processes, they shape how our brains process information. When you decide that something is a catastrophe, your brain shifts into survival mode, narrowing your focus to immediate threats. This is your brain’s way of protecting you, but it can also trap you in a cycle of stress and anxiety.

On the flip side, when you choose to see the same event as an opportunity, your brain starts looking for solutions, for ways to turn the situation around. This isn’t just wishful thinking; it’s a real, measurable shift in how your brain operates. The meaning you attach to an experience literally changes how you perceive it and how you respond.

This is where neuroplasticity comes into play, the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections. When you repeatedly choose to attach positive or constructive meanings to your experiences, you strengthen the neural pathways that support resilience, optimism, and proactive behavior. Over time, your brain becomes better at seeing opportunities instead of obstacles, and solutions instead of problems.

The Power of Meaning in Your Body

The meaning you give to life’s events doesn’t just affect your thoughts; it also impacts your body. When you attach a negative meaning to an experience, your body responds by activating the sympathetic nervous system, your “fight or flight” response. This can lead to increased heart rate, elevated stress hormones, and a state of heightened alertness. Useful in a crisis, but not so great for day-to-day living.

But when you attach a more positive or constructive meaning, you engage the parasympathetic nervous system, the “rest and digest” mode. Your heart rate slows, stress hormones decrease, and your body begins to relax. This shift helps you recover from stress more quickly and maintain a sense of calm, even when life is challenging.

The Science

Let’s look at two fascinating studies that show just how powerful the meaning we assign to things can be.

First, you’ve probably heard of the placebo effect. Imagine you’re given a sugar pill but told it’s a powerful new medication. If you believe in it, your brain might actually start to relieve your symptoms, not because of the pill itself, but because of the meaning you’ve attached to it. That belief can trigger real, positive changes in your body, lowering pain, reducing stress, and even speeding up healing. The key here is that your mind, through the meaning you assign, can influence your physical reality. The study from the 1950’s found that about 35% of patients experienced symptom relief from a placebo due to the meaning they assigned to it.

The second study, conducted in 2014, found that having a strong sense of purpose in life was associated with a reduced risk of death, regardless of age. Researchers found that when people have something meaningful to focus on, a goal, a passion, a reason to get out of bed in the morning, it doesn’t just make them feel better; it actually contributes to a longer, healthier life. The meaning you attach to your daily activities can reduce stress, encourage healthier behaviors, and keep your nervous system in a calmer state.

These studies highlight the profound impact that the meaning we give to our experiences doesn’t just shape how we feel emotionally, it can literally impact our physical health. Whether it’s believing in the effectiveness of a treatment or finding purpose in your life, the stories you tell yourself can profoundly influence your well-being.

Rewriting Your Story

So, how do you start attaching more empowering meanings to the events in your life? It begins with awareness. When something happens, pause and ask yourself: What story am I telling myself about this? Is there another way to interpret this situation that might serve me better?

For example, if you’re facing a difficult conversation, you might initially see it as a confrontation that you fear. But what if you reframed it as an opportunity to clear the air, to deepen understanding, or to stand up for yourself in a healthy way? This shift in meaning can change not only how you feel about the conversation but also how you approach it and the outcome you achieve.

The stories we tell ourselves and the questions we subconsciously ask can reveal what we truly believe about a situation. By listening carefully to these internal narratives, we get a glimpse into our deeper beliefs, beliefs we might not even be aware of. Maybe you catch yourself thinking, “Why does this always happen to me?” That question might signal a belief that you’re unlucky or that life is against you. Recognizing these stories is the first step in understanding and, ultimately, rewriting them.

Another practical approach is to start small. Each time you find yourself stuck in a negative narrative, challenge it. Ask yourself, “Is this the only way to see this situation? What would happen if I chose to see it differently?” Over time, as you practice rewriting your story, you’ll find it becomes easier and more natural.

Where Will Your Story Take You?

Life isn’t just about what happens to you; it’s about the meaning you give to those events. Every day, you’re writing the story of your life with the interpretations and meanings you choose. This isn’t about ignoring the hard parts or pretending everything is perfect. It’s about recognizing your power to shape your narrative, to decide how the story unfolds.

So, what story will you choose to tell today? Will it be one of limitation, or one of possibility? In that choice lies the power to not only change how you see your life but how you live it.